seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
