Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
