Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
