Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
