oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
