Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
