no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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