other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
