i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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