Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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