i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
