I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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