I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
