you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
