just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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