i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
