I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
