when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
If I die, sorry about rent.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
