two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
