It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
