Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
