dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
