Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
