i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
