If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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