Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
