remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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