Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
