You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
In America we eat man semen.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
