I must be too annoying 4 u.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
