and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
even my farts smell like vagina
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
