I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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