before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
