I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she pinky promised me she was 18
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
