He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
