Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just pee around me
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
