two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
