I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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