That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
