i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
