I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
