cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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