You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
