my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So vagazzling was a success
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
