it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
