I met the friendliest cop last night
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
