my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
