tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
