We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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