My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
