If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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