I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
