did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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