Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My vagina just recognized that song.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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