I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
