it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
