So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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