Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
