I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Randomize
