Banned from zoo.
Again?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
