They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
